Cár nwalma

Headache.

This whole week has been an impending headache; it's been coiling and growing like a venomous serpent, ready to strike and knock me out. Ugh, it happened.

Tuesday... Did not turn out so great. What was meant to be a few close friends talking with me about stuff that happened between me and the guy-who-I'm-no-longer-dating, well... It turned into a hang-out session. Which I super-disliked. Not that I normally mind hanging out, but I've really kinda not been in the mood this week. Completely understandable. Sometimes I'm frustrated when my friends don't really act like my friends. Also understandable. Tuesday... The only helpful, healing discussion that was done happened with my brother later that night. But while I was there, one friend basically told me "I told you so"... Another listed all the ways he thought breaking up with a long-distance significant other would be hard (he hit it on ever point... curse him. He just made it so much worse)... And another barely said a word to me, even though the point was to be helping ease my mind and heart.

A lot of good they did.

Here I am, still thinking about it, still wishing things were back to the way they were before, with the closeness I shared with him. I miss it. I miss him. I'm starting to cry even as I write this. Maybe spilling my feelings out in words will help? God only knows. I've talked with Him a lot about this... He was right. I need someone who is going to lead me spiritually and not drag me down. I'm a strong young woman, but I still need a man who will take charge. That guy... wasn't him. And it hurts. As a dear friend put so well, everything that is not good about me is being ripped from myself, and it hurts like hell, but I rejoice, because I know it's how God's shaping me into the woman He wants me to be.

With each wound, I see a little more of Him. Maybe I'm catching on. This whole thing has been a learning experience, that's for sure. And throughout it all, Africa is still on my heart. Hmm. I've made decisions concerning my future. I see God in them. I'm excited; I know I can't live in the past, (or future), but I can let the memories heal me and keep me on my toes and in His arms. God is doing great things in my life, my friends. And I'm seeing how I need to be open to it.

I'm rambling, I know, I'm sorry. I'll go get horizontal now. Gotta clean out my car before heading to a bridal shower tomorrow. Grace and peace to you from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ!

<3